Role of Divorce Counsellors

In case the marriage has irretrievably broken down then the divorce counsellors assist you in resolving your conflicts during the divorce in a civilized and adult manner. They also guide you through issues concerning children and relationship breakdown.

Divorce counselling can help couples in understanding the causes of their separation and come to terms with the changes that divorce inevitably brings. Divorce is a painful experience but at times is the only choice for two people experiencing extreme marital difficulties. This is when it is important for couples to seek out professional help for coping with the heartbreak of divorce.

The process of divorce can have a very negative effect on the children. Therefore, divorce counsellors focus on the relationship between both the parents. The mutual support and respect of both separated parties are encouraged to help provide the children involved (if any) with some semblance of a stable and healthy parent partnership. During this difficult time for a family, it is of utmost importance to keep the channels of communication open. If a divorce cannot be stopped, communication should not be stopped either because the two partners will be parents for the rest of their lives. For the sake of the children, they should maintain a cordial relationship. The divorce counsellors ensure this by helping couples avoid ugly situations and unnecessary mud-slinging.

While hiring a divorce counselor, it is important to ensure that he or she has past experience in handling divorces and is trained to mediate. Some counsellors are legal solicitors as well and they can play both the roles for you. Some counsellors double up as mental health professionals and you can receive therapy from them throughout the divorce proceedings. Many law firms also hire counsellors and mental health professionals to work alongside their legal solicitors. This arrangement can also work for some as there are separate individuals handling different aspects of a divorce.

While searching for a competent divorce counselor, look for the following qualities:

1. Trustworthiness: While looking for a divorce counsellor, select someone that both you and your partner are comfortable with. He should be easy to talk to and as both of you will be sharing a lot of personal information with him, it is important to know that he can be trusted.

2. Knowledge of Family Law: Make sure that your divorce counsellor has complete knowledge of the family law and can explain it to you clearly. There are a number of hidden rules and a lot of information can get lost in the fine print. While he may not be your solicitor, he should have enough knowledge about family law to be able to tell you what you need to know in order to have the divorce proceeding go as favourably as possible.

3. Knowledge of Regulations regarding Child Custody: He or she should be aware of regulations concerning child custody and child visitation rights as well. Even if you and your spouse have already decided on the primary custody and visitation arrangements amongst yourselves, he can give you suggestions on how to get along with one another during the divorce and also afterwards while raising your children together. He can also guide you as to how to talk to your children about one of the most traumatic and life-changing events in their life.

4. Trained to Stay Neutral: Make sure that you select a counsellor who is trained to stay neutral in the face of disagreements between you and your spouse and is not trying to ‘fix’ the relationship.

It is definitely preferable and beneficial if you and your spouse can go in for joint counselling sessions. You can also opt for separate counselling sessions if you wish. In a situation where your spouse refuses to seek counselling altogether, it is still better for you to do it alone than not do it at all. The divorce counsellor will help you resolve your own feelings and conflicts about the whole situation. He will help you explore your options so you can draw your own conclusions and reach your own decisions.

The main purpose of a divorce counsellor is to make sure that all conflicts arising during a divorce are handled in a mature manner and all solutions are found amicably to make the best out of a worst situation.

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James Walsh is a freelance writer and copy editor. If you would like more information on how to get a quickie Divorce see www.quickie-divorce.com

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